after all

It’s Women’s History Month and I am FEELIN’ this quote from the bold, insightful, POWERFUL Amy Schumer.

I have felt been limited by outside forces and have been struggling with taking back, taking ownership of MY story.

When I saw this quote, I felt I knew where and when to start.

With me. I have to start with me.

And I have to start now.

I mean, it straight sucks that I haven’t been able to yet, but well here I am. I have started before. I have been sidelined, kneecapped, and I have both drifted and been sent off course.

Here I am.

And this is now.

So now. Now is when I start.

Look, it’s been tough. Really tough. I have been handling an incredible amount of well, shit, and I have been stuck doing it alone. My focus has been in making sure that my kiddo and I do not drown in wave after wave of bullshit.

(I am purposefully not being specific because though the situation is mine, I am not in control of it. My story, our story, is being influenced by outside influences that include others’ personal circumstances that are not mine to share.)

But the situation is unsustainable, and more importantly I don’t wanna do the work of all of this anymore. An unintentional speedbump to my life being full and joyful and valuable and important is STILL a speedbump – and I ain’t got time nor energy for it.

For isn’t it said:

“Behold the field in which I grow my fucks.
Lay thine eyes upon it and thou shalt see
that it is barren.”

some medieval peasant woman, gods bless her

I willl pick this all apart – remove the strife and clean up the mess so once it is done, it is well and actually DONE.

It starts with me.

I will write my story.

And it will be full of grand adventure, big love, incredible art, deep and abiding friendships, remarkable artists, powerful community, ridiculous (but adorable) situations, brave leaps of faith, huge belly laughs, meaningful connections, hopeful expectations, pivotal moments, charming anecdotes, clutch decisions, delicious wines (and cheeses), provocative thoughts, and all the snuggles I can give to my smart, brave, kind, generous, loving “wee kiddo”.

And I will leave space for additions and ommisions and anything else I choose to include or edit out.

Its my story after all.

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